The Confession of a Litigation Call Bell

I am a litigation call bell.

Don't look down on me just because I'm small and inconspicuous; lately, I've been a celebrity making the front page of the newspapers every day! Even though times are tough for everyone, my place is bustling with visitors every day, lively and completely free from the worries of unemployment. Especially around election time, it's a super peak season. Without needing any clearance sales, business naturally rolls in day after day, bidding farewells and welcoming arrivals endlessly...

Wait, you actually ask what kind of business I am in? Stop joking; everyone knows I am engaged in a most noble profession. From high-ranking officials and elites down to common vendors and pedestrians, they all come—sorry, we don't do takeout—to call upon me for justice. That's right! I am precisely the symbol of justice, and I have always been in the business of justice. I heard that in my past life, I was the large drum in front of the yamen. Isn't there a saying, "beating the drum to voice a grievance"? Now, having reincarnated in the court, anyone with a grievance can come press the bell to file a complaint, and all are welcome. With just the extension of a single finger, justice is immediately summoned at your beck and call!

Justice? You ask what justice is? How would I know?! I am only responsible for ringing, not for answering. There is absolutely no false advertising here, because everyone who comes to press the bell should know that justice is a matter for later, so file the suit first and talk later. Besides, once the goods leave the store, what does it have to do with me?

Don't scold me for lacking a sense of responsibility; with all this suing back and forth, how could anyone instantly know who is right and who is wrong? Although I must remain on standby at all times and work 365 days a year, I still rather like this job. Just think, what other job allows you to watch for free the truest spectacles of human life and the cold realities of the world? But I must say I detest elections! Because the people who come to sue press me so hard it hurts, and I can only purposely ring extra loud to cry out in pain, yet I cannot refuse, because our industry operates on the principle of "no action without a complaint, but once a complaint is filed, it cannot be ignored." Fortunately, a new neighbor recently arrived below me. For decades I carried the load all alone, and thanks to A-pien's wife, another litigation call bell has finally been added to share the burden and relieve the stress. From now on, someone can drop by for a visit, and at least there will be one more person to continue discussing with me what justice is!

Of course, I also have a wish. My wish is that one day I can retire in glory. Actually, I am not a person who loves commotion. Really, I'm not lying!

※ Published in: China Times